Here and There

My top guilty foods of

5. Soda
4. Mocha Cappucino
3. Buffalo Wings
2. Doritos
1. Cake


I'm thankful for the following things today:
- sleeping and waking-up with my sweetie.
- taking morning shower with my sweetie
- having my coffee prepared by my sweetie
- being dropped off to work by my sweetie
- being able to work at my current institute
- being able to be productive (one of the times I feel pretty good about it)
- chatting with people at work
- attending a party
- having supportive partner...

Random thoughts about my work habits

• I have high level of anxiety on finishing up research-related activities, particularly working with my PhD advisor.

• After thinking about my working habits, I've realized that the causes of my anxiety are
• fear of rejection/failure: I'm having difficulty admitting to a mistake, esp. my research
• fear of success: I cannot sustain my accomplishments

• I tend to procrastinate, put things off until the last-minute and then tell myself that it's fine that the the quality of my work is not the best because I only did it within a short period of time anyway. I rationalize it that the task gets done anyway and that is what is important. For awhile, I actually felt good that I was able to finish tasks without putting a lot of effort (i.e. time)

• I am not enjoying how things are going anymore.
  
• I don't like feeling paralyzed/numb/stiff as well as the increase in heart rate due to stress
  
• I don't like the feeling after I finished an activity - I felt drained and very much low energy
• I don't like feeling unsatisfied with my work because I know I could have done better
• I don't like feeling inadequate

• I would like to
  
• feel confident of my work
• enjoy my accomplishments (not just the outcome but also the process itself)
• feel that I have improved as a researcher/scientist

• Life is a continuous challenge. I want to try to
• not procrastinate anymore (big time), that is, whenever I am given a task, I should a clear idea of the expectations of the task. Then, I should be able to identify the steps that needs to be taken to finish the task
• improve skills by practicing
• do a more focused work - try to eliminate distractions