Here and There

My top guilty foods of

5. Soda
4. Mocha Cappucino
3. Buffalo Wings
2. Doritos
1. Cake


I'm thankful for the following things today:
- sleeping and waking-up with my sweetie.
- taking morning shower with my sweetie
- having my coffee prepared by my sweetie
- being dropped off to work by my sweetie
- being able to work at my current institute
- being able to be productive (one of the times I feel pretty good about it)
- chatting with people at work
- attending a party
- having supportive partner...

Random thoughts about my work habits

• I have high level of anxiety on finishing up research-related activities, particularly working with my PhD advisor.

• After thinking about my working habits, I've realized that the causes of my anxiety are
• fear of rejection/failure: I'm having difficulty admitting to a mistake, esp. my research
• fear of success: I cannot sustain my accomplishments

• I tend to procrastinate, put things off until the last-minute and then tell myself that it's fine that the the quality of my work is not the best because I only did it within a short period of time anyway. I rationalize it that the task gets done anyway and that is what is important. For awhile, I actually felt good that I was able to finish tasks without putting a lot of effort (i.e. time)

• I am not enjoying how things are going anymore.
  
• I don't like feeling paralyzed/numb/stiff as well as the increase in heart rate due to stress
  
• I don't like the feeling after I finished an activity - I felt drained and very much low energy
• I don't like feeling unsatisfied with my work because I know I could have done better
• I don't like feeling inadequate

• I would like to
  
• feel confident of my work
• enjoy my accomplishments (not just the outcome but also the process itself)
• feel that I have improved as a researcher/scientist

• Life is a continuous challenge. I want to try to
• not procrastinate anymore (big time), that is, whenever I am given a task, I should a clear idea of the expectations of the task. Then, I should be able to identify the steps that needs to be taken to finish the task
• improve skills by practicing
• do a more focused work - try to eliminate distractions
  

What do you do?

Today is one of those days when I started the day with so much energy hoping to mark things off from my list of things to do for the day. Yet, I felt myself dragging as the day goes on. I don't know when things started to go wrong. Is it when I remembered that I still didn't receive the "favor" that I ask from my previous groupmate and it has been three weeks already? Or is it when my calculations going nowhere? The entire day, I feel the numbness circulating my entire being. I really find this irritating. What do you do for days like this?

I am interested to know how people manage multiple projects simultaneously. How do you organize your time for data gathering, learning new skills/techniques, reading journal articles, etc, etc?

I guess I still have learn to find my "balance".

I'm BACK!

I am back and hopefully with more vigor.

The last time I posted in this blog was right after my defense and that was a little over two months ago. What have I been doing since then? Well, a week after my defense, I moved to Postdoc City and started my postdoc position right away. It had been crazy finishing up, packing, unpacking, adjusting to the new city, and adjusting to the new research advisor and group. Last week, my doctoral institution had just conferred my degree. It is now official, hooray! I feel it wierd that it just felt gold (but not really in an ecstatic way). I was thinking that maybe after all the hard work that I have put in, then the satisfaction should be greater or something :D

In my next posts I would like to tackle the challenges of being a postdoc. I am big on balancing different aspects of life so maybe I will also write about the different areas of my life.

Right now, I would just like to say that it felt good to post again.

Yay! Defense is done.

of course, it didn't come easy; some bruises here and there.

I feel so relieved that thing thing is finally out of my way. Right now, all I want to do is rest and maybe party the rest of the weekend....

Go me!

help!

This will be really quick. It has been really crazy this past few days; I am averaging only about 4 hours sleep, a far cry from my usual 8-9 hours of sleep! This is definitely a huge cramming time for me. I have just distributed a copy of my dissertation (incorporated all of my major advisor's corrections) to each of the committee members. My defense is scheduled in a week! There are definitely times I am tempted to postpone. I have my slides prepared already. I need to work on my talk and study the materials. Any advice on how to prepare and stay sane until D-day?

aahhhhhh

this dissertation is really getting under my skin. i'm as cranky as ever! all i want to do now is cry....