I am a Satisficer

Yes, I am definitely in a much better mood since writing my last post.

Yesterday, on my way home, I dropped by Barnes and Noble and read some magazines. There was interesting note on differences between a maximizer and a satisficer. I'm sure many of you have encountered these terms before but this is pretty new to me.

Maximizers are those who strive to make the best possible choice in every instance. Satisficers simply look for a choice that is 'good enough'. Apparently, maximizers are often quite successful and high achieving but they also tend to be less optimistic, less satisfied, have lower self-esteem, and are less happy than satisficers.

I am definitely a satisficer in a lot of things - both personal and professional. Once I made the decision, I don't look back or dwell on life's ifs. If things didn't work it the way I thought it should be, I rationalize that this is the consequence of the decision that I made given the best information I gathered at the time of interest. In other words, if thing go bad, learn from the experience. This is maybe because I am highly optimistic person. I believe everything happens for a reason.

Growing up, there was this awesome university I wanted to go to but my parents disagreed adamantly and to make matters short, I did not end up there. I enrolled in another awesome university and had the best time of my life and would not trade it for the world! There sure were sulking before enrolling but once I enrolled I forgot about the other one :D

I remember a time when a group of my friends were to choose between two events happening at the same time. Say, we decided to go to event A and we were really having a lot of fun. I wasdumbfounded when a person in the group asked us if we think the people attending the other event have better laughs. What is a better laugh? If you enjoy, you enjoy.

Not In Sync

I have been extremely short-tempered for the past week or so. I feel so bad for my bf as he is the victim of my frequent outbursts lately. I should be able to handle my temper/emotions much better. I am not normally like this. I don't want to destroy our relationship.

How do you act when you're upset? With me, I just suddenly shut off, literally my mouth is closed that it seems I forgot how to talk. Maybe I did not try harder but I could not get myself to talk at all. The problem is that this could go on for hours as if logic has vanished on earth. I wish I could just be bitch out for a short time and then be okay right away but I am not like this. I cannot cry when I am upset. However, I cry when I am very stressed out. I also cry in movies, tv shows, songs, etc.

I don't know why I am very emotional these past few days. Am I stressed out? I don't think I am, the writing is going, maybe not at the rate I want it to be but it is going. There aren't any other major thing that will make me stressed out lately except for the dissertation writing.

I should get out of this funk!

Seeking A Well-Balanced Life

I love weekends, they are the best time to recharge, to slow down.

In my life, I am striving to find balance. How do you define a balanced life? For me, it means that I am not just focusing on one aspect of my life. I have diverse interests and I know I will be miserable if one aspect will be dominating my life.

In this regard, I am making a conscious effort of not spending all of my time with school-related activities. I enjoy graduate school (for the most part) but it is not all of me. I know early-on that if I will work 60 (maybe even 80) hours a week, it is never enough. If I finished the work on Monday, it should have been done a week before! Graduate school, to me, is a very personal experience. It gets whatever you are willing to give. This translates to me that I have the power to design my experience. Recently, my norm is to work during the day and do other things on the evenings unless there are (real) pressing things that needs to be done right away. (I certainly enjoy not having written exams anymore, I am done with it!) This is my comfortable pace now.

Did I become a lazy person? I hope not. However, I am a very laidback person. I did not want to admit this before because somehow I relate it to being lazy. Who wants to be called lazy anyway? not me ;) hahaha. For all of you guys, please enlighten me, is being laidback synonymous to being lazy?

As for my career plans, will I still survive academia with just this much time I am willing to spend? Who knows?

To improve this part of my life, I should strive to be more productive and efficient while I'm at work (basically means while at my office). To do this, I can start with limiting the time I spend on (unnecessary) internet use and stop procrastinating. It is so easy to say and write these things but it is sooooooooo hard to put them into action. Bad habits are indeed difficult to break.

I don't want to be sick.

I had been feeling a little bit more exhausted than usual these past few days. I really don't understand why. I don't think I am working hard than my usual. Can it be that I getting anxious or stressed out? I don't feel like I am or maybe I am denying.

Yesterday, my bf and I visited his grandparents and then went to watch a movie Pirates of the Carribean At World's End because I have been nagging him about going :D. The last movie we saw at the theater was Night at the Museum last January. This is madness, I love movies. I want to watch a lot of movies but I know I cannot do that much anymore. I enjoyed Pirates 3. I don't know which of the three pirates movie is my favorite.

Soon after we went home, I feel sick. Since yesterday afternoon, I may have been to the toilet for more than 25 times. I did take pepto but it didn't really help me. As of writing, I still have upset stomach and I have extremely watery stool. I don't know what is wrong with me. I feeling very tired. Getting sick is not fun!

sad realization

Today, I realized that, for a while now, I have allowed myself to be the sounding board of my friends' endless rants. I did feel bad and low after their venting but I thought I was being a good friend and that is what friendship is for really. But when the so-called friend is being a complete b**** to me and being totally disrespectful, sorry but in my dictionary, friendship is a give and take relationship, I am not gonna endure your life's misery anymore.

I resolve to take good care of myself by not putting up with people's crap. I resolve to choose friends wisely. I used to just let people come to my life. I am very trusting at heart but maybe there is wisdom in being a little bit cautious who you're letting in.

On Obtaining Postdoctoral Position

I would like to share my personal strategy and experience on obtaining academic postdoctoral position in physical sciences. The process is different in every research fields and subfields; it also varies from one principal investigator to another. I don’t think there is really a general rule but I hope that some people will learn something from my experience.

The first stage is self-evaluation. This is very critical, be as truthful to yourself as you can be. Realistically, when do you think you will graduate? Eventually, what career path are you taking? Do you need to do a postdoc? If so, where do you think is the most optimal route: at university, industry, or national labs? What type of research do you want to pursue? Also, think about the professors whom you want to be working with. These are just among the questions that you should ask yourself in this stage.

In my case, after weeks of contemplating, I realized I really wanted to pursue an academic postdoctoral position. The major reason is that I want to be a university professor someday. I love the academic setting, the intellectual interaction; it feels like home. Finding an academic postdoctoral position, in my opinion, is much easier than looking for industrial or national lab postdoctoral position. (Am I correct?) I started my postdoctoral search in February of this year with July/August as my target graduation date.

Second, prepare necessary materials like curriculum vitae (CV), cover letter, and recommendation letters. If you applied for fellowships or awards before, then you should have a CV already, keep it updated. Talk to your recommenders about your short- and long-term plans and ask for their personal tips and advice. Have clear expectations with your Ph. D. advisor about how actively he wants to be involved in your search.

Third, come up with a list of professors whom you wanted to work with and contact them. The list should be perfectly aligned with your research interests and future goals. It is important to start the search early so as not to resort to “shotgun” approach in which you contact people in a massive manner and wish that one of those will offer you a position. The cover letter should be tailored such that it is sort of “personalized” addressing your fit to the research group very well.

Personally, I know I wanted to do something different from my Ph. D. subfield so I have in mind the top researchers in different subfields but still including some top researchers in my PhD subfield. In my list were a mix of senior professors and junior professors. I only had about a dozen in my list. I showed the list to my Ph. D. advisor and he actually strongly suggested not contacting some names in my list which was totally fine with me. I ranked them according to my preference. The plan is to contact the first four in the list and wait for few weeks; if it worked out, then the process is done, if none worked, then contact other another set of professors and so on. Now you have tossed the ball to the other side and can only wait for their response.

Fourth, the professor shows interest and asks for recommendation letters. After you have arranged to have the letters sent to him, you can only wait and cross your fingers. Yes, the waiting is a killer!

Fifth, the professor asks to know more about you by meeting you personally. He will specify what he needs from you from this meeting. You may be asked to visit the research group. This can be done differently in various ways.

Lastly, you got an offer!

In my case, I ended up contacting only half of the professors in my list. I feel very lucky to get offers (in March) from my top choices, the ones I did not even consider that would take second look at me. I would say that my search from contacting the professor to getting the postdoctoral position appointment (yes, got it) is pretty quick, only less than two months yet I still find waiting game very crazy. I did have difficulty deciding which one I would like to accept because they are all very good opportunities (that is why I feel very lucky): good universities, good mentors, and very dynamic group. Eventually, in my case, future personal life issue (long-distance relationship) is the determining factor.

On the other hand, I also got responses like "I don't have money for another postdoc at this time, but if there are fellowship opportunities that you can apply, I would greatly support it". One of the weirdest experience I have is that one of the professor I contacted already approached my Ph. D. advisor early on about projects I could work on and other possible collaboration with my Ph. D. advisor but never contacted me at all! Not even a single-liner email! But three months later, he contacted my advisor again about me and my advisor already said I have already accepted a position somewhere. It doesn't make sense to me why he doesn't communicate with me but only with my advisor!

I am set to start my postdoctoral position in September. I am excited but scared at the same time. Before that, I need to finish writing the dissertation and successfully defend it. Wish me luck!

postdoc+carnival

Update after two weeks of silence

These past few weeks, I had not been blogging personally rather I did a lot of reading blogs.

It had been pretty crazy. Among the things I did was to attend the advanced degree ceremony and "celebrated" with boyfriend and some friends. Originally, I was not planning on attending primarily because I am not really done, I have not even finished writing my dissertation. However, a lot of my friends are attending and so I changed my mind. I am happy that I did this for the pictures I got are awesome! Still, it does not feel real. I promise myself to have a real celebration once I have really defended.

I have been made some progress on my dissertation writing project. Specifically, I have organized all the derivations relevant to my work and prepared most of the figures that I need. With hundreds of figures I need to prepare, this part will easily take me a month to finish but I decided to be more aggressive by finishing this part in 10 days. And I really did it! yay! The goal for the rest of the week is to write-up the story which of course is not really straightforward. I hope I will be able to finish this subsection in a week. I anticipate the writing to be not easy because I have not written about this part before.

I also did play very hard in the past two weeks - "celebrate" graduation march, went to bar five times, attended bridal shower, went to baseball game, did overnight camping, attended christening party, attended farewell party, celebrated mother's day, and drove two hours (one-way) to attend a testimonial dinner by a distinguished guest . In addition, I also helped a friend with moving! Geez, as I am writing this, it seemed that I really did overcommit. I know how to have fun. I feel pretty tired but happy.

On the other hand, I resolve to be physically active again. Starting tomorrow, I want to start walking to school instead of driving; this will be my form of exercise. For now, I want to incorporate the exercise into my daily routine without hitting the gym.

Random Quotes for the day

"The discipline of writing something down is the first step toward making it happen. In converstation you can get away with all kinds of vagueness and nonsense, often without even realizing it. But there's something about putting your thoughts on paper that forces you to get down to specifics. That way, it's harder to deceive yourself or anybody else."
- Lee Lacooca


"Life is miserable if you take it too seriously."